Choosing My Doctor... 34 days out and I'm still searching!

Wood Floors Going Down!

Well it's been a while since I wrote anything.  Since my last post my husband and I have PCS'd (moved to a new base), and bought/renovated/set up our first home!  It has been a busy month to say the least, but now that all the to-do's are getting done my mind is returning to the one big event of this year that has yet to happen.... The birth of our son!

Taken 2wks ago at the 34wk mark!

My baby app says I have 34 more days!  Holy Crap!  As a military spouse my labor/delivery care is much like a raffle.  The day my son decides to make an appearance will be the day I reach into the bag of on call doctors and randomly get assigned to one.  I may have met him/her in one of my appointments in the past, I may not have.  Because I moved here so close to my due date the chances of meeting the doc for the first time when I go into labor is definitely a big one.  The closer I get to my due date, the more anxiety I have felt over this little fact about military life.  I feel unsafe and scared not knowing who would be caring for me on this important day.  I could be assigned an amazing doctor who respected my choices and desires or I could get one of the infamous "my way or the highway" docs and end up with a traumatic horror story of a birth.  This gamble turned out to be too risky for me so I decided to go through the insurance paperwork that would allow me to choose my doctor off base.  I found a local practice through referrals of other moms in the area and had confidence that this was going to be my doctor.  After leaving my first appointment in tears (the midwife picked apart my birth plan and told me more often than not that certain things were "mandatory" and "not optional") I realized that this was NOT my doctor after all...  I continue to search while my due date gets closer and closer.

So why... when I am so close to my due date am I more comfortable searching for a new doctor over "settling" for one that is just okay?  I guess the easiest answer to that question is that I want to feel respected and treated like a unique individual.  I have spent the last eight months reading and learning about this process.  I am far from an expert in the subject but I'm not an idiot either (which is what I felt like leaving my last appointment in tears).  In all of my learning the most important thing I have realized is that I am perfectly equipped to perform the miracle of birthing my baby.  I am not sick, nor am I deformed or injured in some way, so I don't want to be treated as such. (If you have any fear/anxiety/doubt over your ability to give birth I HIGHLY recommend reading "Ina May's Guide To Childbirth".  It has helped me see what a simple, natural, and beautiful process birth can be.) I want a doctor who trusts in the ability of my body to do this.  I want a doctor who respects the experience I am striving for and won't push unnecessary intervention on me because it is "routine".  I want a doctor who knows when, in my unique circumstance, medical intervention IS necessary.  I want a doctor who will look at me as a unique and able human being and not treat me the same way she treats every other laboring woman who walks in the door (i.e. "All women get pitocin to expel the placenta"... Why? What did women do before pitocin existed?  Obviously humanity didn't die off due to undelivered placentas so why do "ALL women get pitocin"?).  I am unique.  I am able.  I trust that God has made me perfect to perform this task.  I want my doctor to believe the same thing and be able to use a mixture of trust in the natural process of labor and her medical education to judge whether I need assistance at any time.  I am not against medical intervention.  Heck! I may demand it when I get into hard labor!  I just don't want it because "ALL" women get it.  No woman is identical to another.  I want a doctor to judge me as an individual.  If I need help, help me... if I don't, leave me be! :-P

All that being said... I am continuing to search for my doctor.  I believe I may have found her and have my first appointment this coming week.  It is actually not a her, but a group of midwives that works through a large woman's center/hospital.  After "interviewing" one of them over the phone I am confident that this is the place I will feel safest and respected through this momentous event.  The only downfall?  It's an hour drive away!  Although laboring in a car for an hour isn't ideal, I think it's a small price to pay to be cared for by a staff that respects me and my choices in my sons birth.

Wish me luck!  I hope that my appointment this week goes better than my last at that other doctors office!